Postpartum = Rite of passage
In a famous class called “African Storyteller” at University of Wisconsin-Madison, I learned about “Rites of Passage” from Professor Harold Scheub (REST IN PEACE). Where I grew up in the United States, we didn’t talk about such things, however growing up Catholic, the closest ceremonial progressions through life I could think of are Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation.
Here, I want to write about how having a baby and/or becoming a parent is a huge rite of passage that we often don’t acknowledge as such.
In this amazing article, In the absence of the village, mothers struggle most, Beth Berry says:
I'm talking about a way of life we are biologically wired for, but that is nearly impossible to find in developed nations.
I'm talking about the primary unmet need driving the frustration that most every village-less mother is feeling. Though the proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" has become cliché, the impact of our village-less realities is anything but insignificant. It's wreaking havoc on our quality of life in countless ways.
I believe that the following two problems need to be talked about more.
a) not acknowledging birth and new parenthood as a rite passage
b) the struggle to find, create a village AND/OR the grief and loss that comes with often times not having a village
Beth Berry goes on to write,
“No, we're not oppressed in the same ways that we used to be (nor in the ways other women around the world still are), but make no mistake about it:
In the absence of the village, we're disadvantaged like never before. We may have more freedoms than our foremothers, but our burden remains disproportionately, oppressively heavy."
…
We're supposed to be crying, celebrating, falling down and rising together.
We're supposed to have grandmothers and aunts and neighbors and cousins sharing the everyday moments, guiding us and helping us see the sacredness in the insanity.
We're supposed to be nurtured for months postpartum, cared for when we're sick, held while we mourn, and supported during challenging transitions.”
My small but significant contribution to this problem is to offer postpartum doula services to women who are able and willing to invest in it. A passionate, present doula who offers HELPFUL help, can be the biggest treasure and blessing through a rite of passage that may feel like the most transformative time of a woman’s life.
Open Sky Wilderness Therapy defines Rites of Passage as:
At their most basic, all rites of passage are characterized by three distinct phases: separation (leaving the familiar), transition (a time of testing, learning and growth), and return (incorporation and reintegration).
Please consider hiring or contributing towards a postpartum doula for yourself or your loved one, to support her through this pivotal and sometimes jarring time. My vision is that a postpartum doula is there to witness, validate, support and provide hands on help for whatever needs can most help a mother’s wellbeing (e.g. care for baby, care for home, listening to mother, providing nourishing tea and/or food, etc.). These small acts of love, especially when provided consistently over weeks and months of the long postpartum period, can go a long way to make a dent in our society’s general lack of village mentality and structures.
xoxo, jenna